By: Stuart Knight (Founder and CEO) | February 28, 2025
Let’s go deeper with a question and have a self connection shall we?
Are men afraid to connect? Let me explain.
You see, even though I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, I was lucky enough to have a father that was affectionate. It was surprising that this was the case, because he had grown up in the rough neighbourhoods of England during and after the second world war. For him, children were to speak only when spoken to, you were to keep a stiff upper lip, and the closest physical interaction men had with each other happened when arm in arm they drunkenly sang songs at the local pub.
For these reasons and more, it would have been natural to assume that myself, and my two brothers, grew up with a similar upbringing. However, my dad, as tough as he is, happens to also be a bit of a softy, much to my benefit. In our household, he was always open to a cuddle, a hug, or a late night conversation about the topics that were most important to his three sons at the time.
Being exposed to this level of connection with my father, allowed me to feel comfortable being connected to men. I can only imagine that was heightened during my twenties when I spent the majority of my time surrounded by artists, as I produced musical theatre, hosted events and generally just clowned around with that crowd. If you’ve ever hung out with artists, you’ll know they aren’t afraid to wear their heart on their sleeves, speak their truth and hug it out over the smallest things. Which is one of the many reasons I love being with these people to this day!
Today, as a 51 year old man, I am baffled at how little progression men have seemed to make in this area of their lives. For example, I could attend a party at someone’s house, and while saying goodbye at the end of the evening, it would feel natural for me to hug the dude I was enjoying a conversation with throughout the evening. And sadly, on so many occasions it becomes an awkward moment, where the other fella either doesn’t know how to react, or feels the need to joke his way out of the situation. In another example, I often find myself speaking to men at the end of my corporate keynotes, and during the conversation, I don’t shy away from asking them personal questions about themselves. Again, my desire to connect is met with awkwardness and discomfort, which leaves me wondering just what the problem is.
And let’s be clear. I’m fully aware that there is no shortage of men reading these words right now, who are fully comfortable with being real, and vulnerable with other guys, and so for the purpose of this blog, I’m talking about the multitude of men who are not. Let’s not kid ourselves. The percentage of men who shy away from true human connection with others is not low. My guess is that it's still the majority of my fellow brothers that fall into that category. And this breaks my heart, because I am so aware of the multitude of benefits that can be found for a man when he overcomes this hurdle.
As I write these words, we have another Human Connection Group meeting coming up on Monday, March 4th at 7pm EST. We currently have 125 people that have signed up to be free members of this group, and it’s no surprise to me that only 20% of them are men. For thirty years, I’ve been witnessing this phenomenon as I observe the faces of those that attended my past speeches, shows, events and more. In all cases, we were promoting the importance of connecting with others, and connecting with yourself, which always attracted a crowd that consisted of about 80% women.
Fellas! I know it’s not easy. I know that for many, you weren’t taught the importance of connecting with people in a meaningful way during your childhood. And I’m fully aware of the messaging we have received from a thousand different places ranging from film, television, social media, all the way to the crazy shit our coaches said to us in the locker room. But I can tell you that breaking free from that paradigm is worth it. It doesn’t mean that you have to become all touchy feely, and dance in drum circles on the weekends. It simply means letting go of the armour that we’ve all been told to wear, and taking the chance at being real.
That might be sharing how you are truly feeling about life with a buddy. It might be telling your partner that you worry about not being good enough. It might be getting a little more honest with the people you manage at work. Whatever it is, I can assure you that it’ll be found when you stop listening to your head and start listening to your heart. When that happens, you won’t be disappointed. Instead, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
Much love,
Stuart
PS. P.S. When you’re ready to have more meaningful conversations in your life, I encourage you to become a member of The Human Connection Group. The only investment required is your time (only once a month). Sign up for free HERE.
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